L1: The Secret of Bone Hill

Chris (Tiberium), Coby (Warin), Matt (Barron), Brian (Pyrzifal), Dean (Thic Duc), and Jeff (Amathar) are returning cast members. Erica (Theodora) is a special guest.

As we left the party, they were exchanging shocked looks as Thic Duc ate Thic Duc’s heart.

Interlude: Theodora’s Story

Dainty maiden Theodora was having a grand time at her best friends’ bachelorette party. She drank, she swore, she smashed things, she danced on tabletops (before and after smashing them), and she got smashed (clubs and drinks both). For a young half-orc, it was a really good party. So she was a little confused when she woke up in a bed that wasn’t hers, in a room that wasn’t hers, wearing (what was left of) her party dress over her armor, and using her battleaxe for a pillow. Admittedly, she had started the evening wearing the dress over her armor. That was only prudent at a good party. And the axe helped with the smashing part. But normally, Theodora would wake up in an alley, or sometimes her own bed if she didn’t get quite drunk enough. (Never someone else’s bed; it was too much fun kicking them out of her in the morning).

The room she was in this… morning? … had the bed she was still in, a door that presumably led to an exit, a wall covered in bookshelves with an easy chair for reading, a desk with pen and paper for writing, and a small table with a silver tray. On the tray, silverware, a mug, a pitcher, and a small plate with blueberry muffins. Theodora ate one while she considered what to do, then she noticed the skeleton chained to the wall. It was looking at her. Odd. She picked up the muffin and moved to the other side of the room. It was still looking at her, so it was an animated skeleton. If this was a drunken fever dream, it was an unusual one.

Theodora tried the door and found it was locked. This was a common experience for her. Many people locked their doors when she approached. She knew just what to do, and did it almost from habit. A swift kick right next to the lock and the door broke, swinging freely on its hinges. She wasn’t quite ready to leave just yet, though. The skeleton was odd. And maybe a memoir of this strange experience would be appropriate. She approached the skeleton, battleaxe raised high in a threatening manner. It raised its arms in supplication, begging not to be struck. She struck anyway, and the skeleton collapsed to the floor, intact but … unconscious? Or at least not moving. With a grunt of effort, she wrapped her fingers around its lower rib and yanked. Now, she had a skeleton’s rib. Ho ho ho.

Now it was time to leave. She opened the door and stepped outside into… the scent of orange blossums and a soft white light.

Time to take a nap. Theodora lay back down, rested her head on her battleaxe, and went to sleep. Interlude: Theodora’s Story

After some time, Theodora awoke, to find that little had changed. But there was a knock on the door. Outside, a wererat carrying a baby on a tray asked permission to enter. Theodora allowed it to enter and place the baby, cooing gently, on a small table near the bed. In addition to the baby, the tray held a plate, a pitcher, a mug, and a set of silverware. The wererat claimed the baby was “for the Master”, and then left.

Theodora promptly ate the baby.

Then, breakfast and a nap having been attended to, she left the room and was greeted outside by a trio of animated skeletons. These were armed, rather than chained to a wall, and seemed less friendly. She advanced to fight, striking a powerful blow that shattered half the ribcage of the first one to face her, but the blades of the other two left their own wounds in her green-hued skin, and before long, she collapsed unconscious from blood loss.

And that was how the party, having witnessed the final moments of the combat, found her. The skeletons and zombies fell quickly to the combined swords of the group, and Theodora was revived. She decided to hang around a little while as she recovered from her wounds, but eventually wandered off as the party’s explorations continued. Conclusion

At the end of it all, Malag woke up with an intense feeling that his friends were in danger.

To be continued…


For reference: 200 cp = 20 sp = 2 ep = 1 gp = 1/5 pp One blue staff with a creature’s head on it and words in Draconic (“Light”, “Sparks”, plus two more than need time to translate) Tiberium has found a longsword that plays dixie in his head One medium shield, still intact after spending time inside a gelatinous cube Treasure: 0 gp (0 gp each)


Base xp for showing up (total): 600xp
Barron fought himself and won: 100xp
Amathar has not yet fought himself
Pyrzifal fought himself and won: 100xp
Theodora ate a baby: 100xp
6 skeletons: 168xp
3 zombies: 156xp
1 gelatinous cube: 200xp
Bonus for not trying to kill the spectators: 100xp (and a talking sword) (Tiberium only)
Total: 1124xp (160xp each)

Roleplaying moments and quotables

Dangling Threads of Fate

Who was the strangely well-dressed gardener Gunnar spent time over roots and vegetables with?
No one has checked recently to see if the Princess is still in her castle
Theodora has eaten the missing child. The missing wererat is still missing.
Tiberium feels that there is still someone within the group who needs redemption
Barron still has not earned his falcon
Malag has been left with the Adventure Capitalists for work on restoring his non-brain-eating condition
How to invest your ill-gotten gains...